Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Wasting A Scammer's Time.

I am selling a Cervelo. I posted the at on a cycling classified site and got a few hits.
I was contacted by a phony looking email askign about the frame. After a few weird emails he instant messaged me on the gchat. I messed with him for the better part of an hour. Here you go. Punch lines in red and blue. Cliff notes at the bottom: Enjoy!

Scoth: Hi
 me:  how are you?
 Sent at 10:05 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  im fine and you ?
 me:  well, thanks
were you able to get your paypal sorted out?
 Scoth:  okay
get me the paypal email address now so i can pay you
 me:  its this email address
 Scoth:  okay i will pay you now
 me:  great
 Sent at 10:10 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  i will mail you when am throiugh with the payment
Thanks Mike
 me:  Please include where you would like the item shipped to.
 Scoth:  okay mike
 me:  hey what build kit are you going to put on it?
out of curiosity?
 Sent at 10:12 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  how much do you want me to pay
 me:  You had mentioned before you were willing to pay $1450. I would be willing to offer it shipped at that price.
with what build kit are you going to use?
 Scoth:  okay
so all what i will pay you now is 1 ,750
 me:  how did you arrive at that number?
 Scoth:  which number ?
 me:  1750
 Scoth:  yes
1,450 is fro your bike
and the rest is for the shipping company
 me:  ahh i see, i just got your email
 Scoth:  Okay good
try to read it now
 me:  yep, just did
i am a little confused
can you explain it to me/
 Scoth:  what is that m,ike
 me:  the email
 Sent at 10:22 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  i will pay you 1750 now and the rest of money is 300 you will send 250 to the address that i will give you and 50 dollar is for the western union fee because you will need to help me to send the 250 dollar via western union
 me:  yeah thats sounds good.
let me know what you have sent the 1750 then.
 Scoth:  okay mike
 me:  hey i asked before but what parts do you think you will put on the item?
 Sent at 10:24 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  U mean?
dont bother
 Sent at 10:26 AM on Thursday
 me:  you said you have always wanted one of these
what do you think you will do with it
 Scoth:  ah ah dont bother again
I know what to do with it thats why am buying it
 me:  its very important that I know its going to a good place
 Scoth:  okay good of you
 me:  what type of rider are you
 Sent at 10:29 AM on Thursday
 me:  why so funny?
i am confused
 Scoth:  Am a rider and i know what this thing is used for and i will pay you your money...ok?
 me:  yes yes, that sounds great
oh you know, i forgot to mention I can include the reel that goes with it if you would like.
you can catch fish with it
 Scoth:  Really?
I will really like that
 me:  yeah its amazing that this thing can catch fish too
 Scoth:  Ok thank u so so happy to do business with you and i hope we can do more in the nearest future
 me:  so when will you be sending the paypal
 Sent at 10:39 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  Now hold on
 me:  i have been waiting for several minutes now
 Scoth:  Hold on now...pls
 Sent at 10:42 AM on Thursday
 me:  can i ask you a question?
 Sent at 10:48 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  Yea
 Sent at 10:50 AM on Thursday
 me:  have you seen "two girls one cup"
 Scoth:  what do u mean?
 me:  have you seen it
use google
 Scoth:  No
I need to focus on your payments ok?
 me:  it takes mere seconds to send a paypal email
 Sent at 10:52 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  Yea
 me:  so do it
 Scoth:  Ok
 me:  can i ask a questions
 Sent at 10:55 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  Go ahead
 me:  do you like turkey?
 Scoth:  No
 me:  what?
 Scoth:  I dont like it
 me:  do you like chicken
 Sent at 10:59 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  Did you receive mail from paypal?
 me:  oh yes i just got it!
but do you like chicken/
 Scoth:  Just follow the instruction they gives
 me:  can i ask you a question?
 Sent at 11:03 AM on Thursday
 Scoth:  Yea
 me:  do you think I am fucking retarded?
nice spoofed email asshole.
i have known you were a scammer the entire time, but did this to waste your time

Scammer tires to buy Cervelo via typical western union themed scam. I receive a series of spoofed email saying he "payed for the item" 
I ask him if he would like me to send the fishing reel that comes with my Cervelo... He says yes. 
I ask him if he's seen two girls one cup. For gods sake don't google that. 


Colin R said...

A++++ Would read again

Anonymous said...

well done, so damn funny!

Chris said...

I freakin love it!

Jake said...

Well played sir!

dougyfresh said...

haha. that got better as it went on. Love the fishing reel.