Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Epic TransSylvania Epic Wrap up Post

Stage 7 had just finished and with it, the end of the TSE. After laying down PRO interviews for the media. I retreated back to the lodge. The one advantage to actually racing on the last day (as opposed to boozing it up for 3 hours on a single speed, Dicky, Peter, et al... was that I was the first one to return back to the EAGLE. This meant as much hot water as I wanted. Around the same time the drunkies came-a-rollin in my wife returned from helping out in the feed zone allllll day. I try not to partake in the beverages when Lauren isn't around for fear of the death look and or pouty face. She got back and I started to... recovery drink,
We all hung out and packed up various modes of transportation in preparation for our individual journeys back to reality. Mike and Ray ( and a small army of Boy Scout volunteers had prepped a "special" dinner for us for that night. The nice woman at the Winery let the cat out of the bag and mentioned shrimp were involved but wouldn't share any details.
Dinner ended up being just an awesome as everything else that came our way the preceding week. We were served wine, fillet, shrimp, asparagus, roasted potatoes, and some homemade cheesecake bites for desert.
After a meal of large sums of food and beverage, paired with trading stories, the awards and closing ceremonies if you will got underway. I was 7th alternate for the podium so I was secretly hoping the rain that was rolling in would toss some targeted lightning bolts out so I could get a nice pay day. Mostly for the best, a bunch of people were NOT killed and I remained in 10th. Fortunately for me, my brain can make up for some of the stuff my legs can't go out there and win.
Misfit Psycles proudly donated a yet to be build DiSSent AlC frame to be given away at the race. All you had to do was write 1 sentence on why you deserved it. Before I get into what I wrote... I'll break down the thought process.
1) Peter the owner of Misfit likes METAL. Both the kind you make bikes out of and the musical kind.
2) I gained the rep of being a "roadie" Chris Beck actually asked me during stage 3 if I was an "ex roadie" my reply... "Uh well I guess I am an "ex" mountain biker, I just kind of race bikes, I dont care what they are." Point being, I embody fitness not technical skill... That's just me. People who are skill hate guys like me because we make their legs hurt on climbs only to get in their way on the downhill.
3) I have a road bike as an mountain bike. Its carbon, its 20 lbs, its very stiff. It is pretty much the opposite of anything Misfit makes.
4) I biggity bitch, a lot.
My complex algorithm in place I laid out a plan to produce the best 1 sentence reason why I deserved the bike. I fired up WKO+ (3.0 of course only the pleebs are still using 2.x), checked my CTL and training stress, used that information along with my caloric intake, to divide by the amount of totally METAL songs we listened to while hanging out after stage 6. That number used against the amount of times I biggity bitched to a 'cell mate' in the Eagle, represented as a ratio of grams in a Becker Carbon saddle (61). My race number (10) spread across the number of rocks I nearly died upon while descending the Stage 6 descent provided the final input to the equation... after all that crunching here is what came out...
"I deserve the Misfit SS bike because... I am a roadie P.O.S. who needs a METAL bike to Harden the Fuck UP"
Further calculating my chances of complete and utter domination winning I wrote the aforementioned output on a torn off piece of six pack.
Colt from narrowed down the serious from totally made up by a group of drunken Canadians entries and read three aloud to the entire diner. Round of applause vote was the method of selection and the dining hall erupted like an Icelandic volcano when the words roadie POS and HTFU were used in rapid succession. I knew all this training with a power meter shit would pay dividends.
Mike and Ray. You promoted and executed a great race however I think we missed 1 or 2 of the rocks in the entire state. Maybe next year we can ride over those as well. Other than that everything was very well run and the event was a ginormus success.

Race Staff: On day 2 when I hit the CP's I was astonished. Two people literally grabbed my bottles, filled them up with Heed and Water (what I had asked for) and put them back in my cages for me. I felt like I was in a NASCAR race. Everyone from the turn marshals, to the course markers, and of course the promoters were super helpful in any way they could be. I am sure the volunteers grew tired with their tasks as the week progressed but it never ever showed. They seemed as eager to help you they could be at every occasion. Freeze Thaw was awesome too. They helped me fix my bike up 2x on the week.

Lauren: I am screwed. I owe my wife so bad now for putting up with my crap for an entire week of bicycle racing. She cleaned clothes, she listened to me biggity bitch, she helped out in the feed zone... and now... bicycle number 7 will be occupying our bike guest room in the condo. I am a dead man.

Eagle People: The coolest part of the race ended up being the part I was most nervous about... living with a bunch of other weirdos for an entire week.Here are my own nicknames for you...  Dicky "Rad Rash" Dillen, Peter "I'm so METAL I piss iron" Keiller,  Rachael "All Smiles" Mirvish, Tanya "Beer is Vegan Right?" Hanham, Dave " I get lost a lot" Cormier, Jarred "Shotgun gone wrong" Kinder (and Susan), Marc and Kim " The Canadian Duo of Death". Joe "Twin Six (pack)" Castle, Dougly "My sideburns make women swoon" Jenne

My Teammates: I got a bazillion and one emails from Philadelphia Ciclismo from the dudes with words of encouragement. They helped out a lot.

My Sponsors: Honey Stinger the gels and nutrition were all I ate for 5 hours a day so thanks for tasting so yummy. Cadence  I am going to need some new parts, like a drivetrain, wheels, fork, frame, cockpit, and legs. We'll be in touch. Captain Lawrence Brewing. DIPA is nectar of the gods. ResolveStar handeled all my legal invoicing needs, and Revolution Wheelworks for already telling, selling, offering, helping me get some new 29'er wheels for the Misfit.
I leave you with the most techno thing you have ever seen.

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